


look what's become of my doctor

by killywhale



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Falsettos - Lapine/Finn (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Angst, Chardelia, F/F, Fluff, HIV/AIDS, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kinda, Slight swearing, charlotte needs love, cordelia and charlotte both need hugs, cordelia cant cook, dont read this if you dont like cringe ha, just a little, lesbians from next door, like twice, marvin is mentioned, she still tries though, something bad is happening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 19:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20476532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killywhale/pseuds/killywhale
Summary: Cordelia never really had to be the strong one in her relationship. Charlotte would be the one to hold her close and whisper that everything would be alright as tears fell down her cheeks. Cordelia was grateful for this. Charlotte would always be there. Charlotte would always make her feel better,Until one day, Charlotte couldn’t any longer.





	look what's become of my doctor

**Author's Note:**

> I got bored and I love the lesbians so here's this trashy one shot where I basically just rewrote something bad is happening but made it more...idk emotional. Sorry not sorry. This is my first fic (i bet you could already tell by how trash it is) so please read it.

_ Cordelia never really had to be the strong one in her relationship. Charlotte would be the one to hold her close and whisper that everything would be alright as tears fell down her cheeks. Cordelia was grateful for this. Charlotte would always be there. Charlotte would always make her feel better, _

_ Until one day, Charlotte couldn’t any longer. _

**\------**

Charlotte had been having a hard day. Fuck that, she had been having a hard month. Each day, another young man would arrive, each seeming thinner and paler than the last. It would break Charlotte’s heart each time she had to send another one home with medication she knew wouldn’t fix their problem and a hospital bill that probably cost more than the entirety of the food they would eat in an entire year. She was a shitty person for just letting all this stuff happen. She felt like a failure. The worst part of this stupid illness was that no one really knew what it was. It’s not like anyone gave a fuck, much less  _ the president,  _ that thousands of men were dying, seeing as they were all homos. It really wasn’t very fair

Still, it bothered Charlotte as she flipped through a magazine for what felt the tenth time that day. The pages were filled with what seemed like… Filler, in the vast scheme of things. Charlotte chuckled bitterly to herself as she flipped the page past the hundreth drag queen in that one magazine alone (ironic, seeing as the majority of the people affected were quite gay). 

_ What they really should be focusing on is this fucking nameless disease,  _ Charlotte thought, gripping the thin pages just a little too tightly, distorting what seemed like just another faceless model. She was so sick of all this shit going on in her life. This wasn’t how life was supposed to be. She was supposed to be  _ happy _ , but how could she be when all she felt in her heart was how helpless she was over the entire situation. 

_ She wasn’t good enough to save them. She couldn’t even save one.  _

Charlotte’s grip on the magazine was starting to rip holes in the thin paper. 

_ If Charlotte couldn’t help people, then what was her purpose? If Charlotte couldn’t help people, then what was going to stop them from hurting her? _

Her vision turned blurry as tears started forming in her eyes

_ She was useless and incompetent and it was only a matter of time before the people around her, the people she loved, noticed and left her behind like everyone else in her life already had. _

A tear rolled down her cheek and hit the crumpled magazine sitting in her lap.

_ Look at her crying now, just like a helpless little baby. It’s no wonder she can’t help anyone. She’s too much of a little bitch to actually be of any use. She should just leave- _

Before Charlotte could finish her thought though, she heard a familiar cheery voice and the faint click-clack of high heels tapping across the floor. She quickly wiped away her tears. She couldn’t appear weak, not in front of Cordelia. 

“Charlie, I have more food for you to try!” Cordelia’s sing-songy voice called out just as she practically skipped into the room. “Trust me, this is my best batch yet!”

Charlotte really wasn’t up for eating any more of the faux-Jewish, overcooked, under seasoned ‘food’ that was constantly coming out of her kitchen. Ever since this whole bar mitzvah thing with Jason, all she’s produced from that god damn kitchen was five hundred dishes that were somehow kosher. She loved Cordelia, but my god was she the literal worst at cooking,(this was a known fact, but still, if you ever actually told this to her, Charlotte would punch you so hard, you would wish you’d never even offered to try the food in the first place). Marvin could barely scramble up some eggs, but even he couldn’t find a way to somehow use salsa instead of tomato sauce when attempting to cook spaghetti.

Charlotte smiled to herself at that memory.

She missed those days when it would just be her, Marvin, and Cordelia hanging out watching movies while eating Cordelia’s newest creation or talking about finding Marvin a boyfriend Not that she didn’t love Whizzer, it’s just that things were different with only the three of them.

But now with a life-threatening disease on her mind, every second felt like one she could use helping another bachelor in need. If only she wasn’t as useless as she was. 

“I’d really rather not,” Charlotte said, never looking up from the ruined magazine in her hands, trying to not tip off to Cordelia that she had been crying just moments before. She didn’t feel like humoring Cordelia at the moment. 

“Oh, please, my dear! Just tell me how it tastes. Tell me if it’s good. Tell me, sweetheart, if you’d like seconds. I have a lot of leftovers!”

“Cordelia, please stop.”

“Go ahead and wound my pride,” Cordelia’s usual cheery smile turned into more of a scowl. Charlotte was never this blunt with her. “You know, you could learn to be just a little nicer. All I wanted to do was feed you and-”

“Just stop.” Charlotte wasn’t feeling very good, like her stomach was tying itself into knots. She wouldn’t look at Cordelia in the eyes. She wanted to be anywhere but here, somewhere she could just break down and cry. 

Cordelia could tell.

“Oh… Have you had a bad day at work, Charlie?” Cordelia put down her tray and took a seat right next to where Charlotte was sitting. Charlotte finally put down her magazine. Even without the distraction, she still turned her head out of sight from Cordelia’s eyes. 

“I guess.” Charlotte managed to get out after a couple of beats of silence. This made Cordelia feel even worse.

“I don’t know what to say. You’re the strongest person I know. You’re my  _ doctor _ ,” With that statement, Cordelia put her delicate hands in Charlotte’s. Charlotte finally let her gaze wander over to Cordelia.

“You’re my doctor, and I love you.” Cordelia didn’t even have to say those words. Her eyes said it all. Charlotte didn’t reply, only squeezed Cordelia’s hand slightly. 

That was all Cordelia needed to continue.

“You’ve got passion and intelligence, and  _ jesus christ,  _ you’re a doctor!” This made Charlotte smile, but the smile was short lived. “You’re very wealthy, and  _ I love you _ . I’m heartsick that you’re unhappy, darling. Is there anything I can do?”

“There’s nothing anyone can do. Life’s just really shitty at the moment, Cordelia.” Charlotte had an unreadable expression on her face. 

“You’re usually so optimistic, Charlie. You aren’t acting like yourself. What’s gotten into you? You’re making me nervous…” Cordelia just wanted to hold Charlotte in her arms the same way that she knew Charlotte would do for her. 

Charlotte stood up in a fit of rage over her own incompetence, leaving Cordelia to sit alone, forgotten in the chaos that inured in Charlotte’s mind. “You know what? Being a doctor is fucking ridiculous! I should just quit while I’m at it. It’s not like I ever actually help anyone.  _ Fuck me _ , Cordelia,” she hissed, running her hands through her hair while she paced around. 

“Charlotte, I love you.” Cordelia was just saying anything at this point to get her to stop. She hated hearing Charlotte degrade herself so much. She was on the brink of tears and just wanted to kiss Charlotte and tell her everything would be alright. 

Charlotte had other plans, though.

Charlotte picked up the damaged magazine that had been tossed onto the couch next to Cordelia and shook it at her.

“Delia, do you see all these stupid fucking dresses that nobody actually cares about?” Charlotte was seeming panicked now. Cordelia didn’t respond.

“This is what the world focuses on instead of all the people dying from god knows what! And I’m fucking sick of it! Each time I see another one of these stupid things, my sprits die just a little more than they already were!” Cordelia shifted in her seat, but remained right where she was with a frightened expression on her face.

“There’s all this fashion that’s either way too expensive for any normal person to buy, or just plain boring. Don’t get me wrong, I like the ballgowns, but  _ jesus fucking christ! _ ” At this point, tears were rolling down her cheeks, something she’d never let herself do in front of Cordelia before. 

She stopped yelling.

Her angry expression disappeared.

She was already a failure at saving people, but now she was a failure in front of Cordelia. She was supposed to be the strong one, but now that Cordelia had seen her like this, she wouldn’t be surprised if she left her too. She failed to do the one thing she promised herself she wouldn't do. And now, she was going to lose the one person that she had left because of it. 

Tears flowed faster and faster down her face. She couldn’t get them to stop as she choked back the third sob that threatened to escape. Cordelia watched in silence, itching to get up and comfort her, but feeling glued to her seat.

She was going to be alone. 

And she deserved it for being so weak.

After about twenty more seconds of all the crying and staring, Charlotte found her voice again.

“You can leave now. You don’t have to stay here anymore.” Charlotte, again, couldn’t make herself look at Cordelia. She didn’t want to see the disappointment on her face and she sure as hell didn’t want to see her walk out of the door.

There was a beat of silence. 

”Wait, what?”

Charlotte rubbed her eyes and blinked. She thought the answer to that was obvious.

“Leave me. I showed you I was weak. I’m a failure, so go.” Charlotte didn’t understand why Cordelia hugged her after that statement, but she did anyways.

“Why would I leave you?” Cordelia was now wiping away Charlotte’s tears as she held her close. 

“I cried in front of you. I’m supposed to be the strong one, but I showed that I’m clearly not. I’m just a disappointment. I’m surprised that you’re still here hugging me right now, Cordelia,” Charlotte said between sobs. 

To her surprise, Cordelia started laughing. This somehow hurt worse than her just up and leaving.

“Why are you laughing at me? Was our relationship that much of a joke?” Charlotte felt sicker and sicker. 

Cordelia started smoothing down Charlotte’s hair and rubbing calming circles on her back. “Did you really think that I would break up with you just for crying in front of me? Sweetheart,” Cordelia took a break from talking to plant a soft kiss to Charlotte’s lips. “You’d have to do something a lot worse if you wanted me gone.”

“I love you, Charlotte. Do you know how great my life is with you in it?” This made Charlotte smile back at her, remembering a time when she said something similar to cheer up her girlfriend. 

“I love you too, Cordelia.”

**Author's Note:**

> there there, that wasn't so bad was it? 
> 
> no but for real, feedback would be greatly appreciated <3


End file.
